ALERT: A Message to My Email Subscribers

As you already know, I have moved my blog to a self-hosted wordpress dot org site which in the long run, I believe, will provide my readers with a better experience. But as I have just transitioned I anticipate some technical hiccups along the way. I choose to learn by manually doing a lot of the set up for the dot org site myself, so these are some of the growing pains for :

Until I figure out how to install the “Subscribe by Email” plug-in please follow me on Twitter @thesexyoctopus to get my posts immediately (along with other tweets) OR email me at with your email address so I can manually send you my stories until I get this resolved. Sorry for the trouble and thanks for your patience.


ALERT: Sexy Octopus Has Migrated

Dear Readers,

I have moved this Sexy Octopus blog to a self-hosted wordpress dot org site. Therefore, I will not be posting on this wordpress dot com site anymore. Please pardon the inconvenience and visit at this point to continue reading. I appreciate your patronage.

The change is effective immediately.

Thank you.



  PS….you can also follow me on Twitter @thesexyoctopus

The Contemporary Man’s Thirty Minute Guide to Understanding Women

I had a fantastic long weekend. One of my friends had a birthday gathering in Hayes Valley and the occasion also turned into a nice reunion of sorts to catch up with folks who were out of town for the Holidays. The group was a lovely blend of men and women highlighted by animated conversation and hysterical laughter. Some sidebar discussions were peppered with terribly inappropriate, politically incorrect commentary. It was a hoot. Life would be quite dull if there was too much correctness, right?

Women talked with men. Men talked with other men. And women talked about men. I had several sidebars with a couple of friends updating me with their dating escapades. And it got me wondering if men talk about women with their manfriends as much as women talk about men with their womanfriends when it comes to getting advice about the behavior of the other sex.

The message I’d like to offer for men in the modern age is this:

If you would like to understand women better, just spend thirty minutes on Pinterest. Pinterest is the gathering place for the universal woman. And half an hour is all you’ll need. Really. And if you want to explore further and develop a deeper understanding, become a community member.

Sexy Octopus: A Broad Stroke of Intelligent Insight

I just re-named my blog “Sexy Octopus.”

Sexy because I hope what I say is alluring to your mind and inspires you to think and act differently. Sometimes we are so comfortable in our lives that we get stuck in a sameness and miss the opportunity to try new experiences. The octopus is known to be an intelligent creature. I think intelligence or being intelligent in the digital age is about understanding the value of information coming from a wide range of subjects and “expertise”. Connecting the dots between superficially un-related topics does create meaning. So, I hope my voice provides the broad stroke of intelligent insight which can resonate with you.

 Cheers, Cara

When You’ve Already Won Her Heart, You Don’t Need to Win Every Argument

It’s Sunday morning. Instead of first being greeted by the traditional media outlets to inform me of all the negativity going on in the world now, I logged on to Facebook to visit my very own community of pseudo-journalists (aka “friends”). I discovered some insightful thoughts about life in the guise of my brother’s post of a blog entry. They were delivered as a convocation speech by a litigator (!):

Here are three thoughts which resonated with me:

(1) Pick your Battles (especially with loved ones): This is conventional wisdom but delivered in the context of love and relationships, “When You’ve Already Won Her Heart, You Don’t Need to Win Every Argument.” Change out the “Her” with “his” if appropriate. 😉 The litigator/speaker is offering this advice as a married man so I assume this applies to maintaining the peace in the household. Similarly, I recall having a discussion with someone I did business with during the Holidays and he asked me what my plans were. I told him I was keeping things simple by just staying in town and relaxing with friends. I reciprocated by re-asking the question to him and his rapid response was: “I’m just doing what the Wife tells me to do. That’s how I keep things simple.” I have never been married but based on what I hear from married friends and past clients, this is sage advice. Verbal sparring just seems like a huge energy and time waster especially when you are obliged to live under the same roof as the other individual. It’s interesting how Mr.Litigator speaker can point this out when he is essentially a Professional Fighter. Ah, yes. The power of the heart.

 A Big Heart in the Center of San Francisco

(2) Don’t Be Average: Think about all of those “life expectancy” statistics you hear about. Singapore (the residence of the speaker) is in the top tier but he points out that these expectancy statistics are based on averages. Averages set by people who tell you to get a good education, a good job, a good wife/husband, so you can have a good family. Why live based on boundaries set by average people? Don’t expect anything out of life because life is not roses. Life is hard. Bad things happen. Understand that you should not be entitled to anything. Just imagine that your life is over today. Get out there and play. Understand this and just do this and you will be free.

(3) Popular People Have Weak Character: People who are well-liked are accomodating. They don’t have the courage to speak their minds. They don’t have the courage of their convictions. Think about it.  All great figures who have contributed to the progress of humankind have been hated not by one, but by many. Well-liked pleasant people are pleasant to be around with, because well, they are pleasant. But to make great change on the scale of advancing humankind, being popular is not a favorable character trait. Do you think you are popular? If yes, maybe you are doing something wrong, or maybe you are content with being popular, being well-liked and sticking with the status quo. Maybe you are okay with being average.

I encourage you to read the original speech in its entirety. It’s a fun read. And then get out there. Fall in love, work less and do something courageous.

The Big Lies in Online Dating

This is what I do at 1am in the morning. I troll Quora for interesting data. I discovered a string about public relations strategies for startup companies. The post suggested taking an OkCupid, OkTrends approach of “always keeping data fresh” since it recommends to constantly be coming up with new product, new features, new data after launch. OkCupid is an online dating site which produces a blog called OkTrends which reports on trends based on their users. And this data is always re-freshed with new insights, graphs and visuals. I personally don’t do online dating but most of my girlfriends do. And I respect that. It’s just another approach to dating. But here are two reasons why I personally prefer not to adopt that approach: (1) You cannot feel a person’s essence online (first impression/chemistry). So therefore it becomes a huge time-waster if you are interested in their online profile and then let down when you initially meet them in person. (2) People will embellish their personal profile when it comes to finding a date or a mate. Here is an OkTrends post based on user data which supports my second reason. So at the end of the day (at 1am in the morning), I would prefer mining for data than reading about some guy who says he is something he is not. Yes, people also lie in person; both men and women could lie regardless of whether they are looking online or offline but the first impression/chemistry qualifier is a more important starting point for me in this process of discovery. I would prefer to take the organic approach in the dating world and meet a live human being from the beginning. So call me a geek since I’d rather be trolling for data than trolling for dates online.